Cherokee Hair Tampons

"Cherokee Hair Tampons" is episode 54 of the Comedy Central series South Park. It originally aired on June 28, 2000.

Plot synopsis

The episode begins with a substitute teacher coming in to teach the 3rd grade class. The boys mess around with the teacher, with Stan pretending that he's Cartman, Kenny pretending he's Stan, and Cartman pretending he's Kenny. Cartman laughs so hard after this that he squirts milk out of his nose when he laughs too hard, even when he isn't drinking any. The teacher gives them all an assignment to make a card for Kyle who is sick, and Butters literally ends up being the card. Stan visits his sick friend, and Mrs. Marsh suggests to Mrs. Broflovski that she try New Age healing to cure Kyle. They go to the store of Miss Information, the new mystical woman in town, who tells them that mysterious "toxins" are the cause of Kyle's ailments and prescribes a series of herbs to help him; none of them work, but she convinces the people of South Park that they do, and the whole town becomes enamoured with her remedies, and buys such nostrums as "Cherokee hair tampons" from two supposed Native Americans (played by guest stars Cheech and Chong. As revealed later, they look Mexican, as they resemble Cheech and Chong) who share her store. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison is fired for charges of soliciting sex from a minor (which he did in the previous episode, "Cartman Joins NAMBLA"). He decides to fulfill his dream of publishing a book, and begins to write a romance novel, in which he manages to use the word "penis" 6,083 times.

Stan goes to ask Dr. Doctor for help, and the doctor says that Kyle will die unless he gets a kidney transplant from the only other person in town with a compatible blood type, Cartman. However, Cartman, who hates Kyle refuses to do it unless given $10,000,000. An attempt to sneak into his house and cut his kidney out while he sleeps proves fruitless, as he wears a "Kidney Blocker 2000". Mrs. Broflovski brings in Kyle for a "spiritual healing" by the "Native Americans", who declare that he needs to see a doctor and says that Miss Information lied, and they are really Mexican, According to Miss Information, nobody would buy medicine from Mexicans, which is why she lied in the first place, much to everyone's horror (especially the women who bought the Cherokee Hair Tampons). The people in town rebel against her, and Stan declares he has a plan to get Kyle his kidney.

Cartman awakens the next day to find the Kidney Blocker destroyed, and redness all over his bed. He marches to Stan's house and recovers his kidney, then goes to the doctor and arranges to have it put back in, signing a release form. However, all this is a part of Stan's plan. Cartman's mom really opened the Blocker and they put ketchup in his bed to fool him; the form he signed actually allowed Kyle to take his kidney. Cartman is angered (it isn't revealed where the kidney Stan gave Cartman came from. It was probably fake). Kyle is better, and Mr. Garrison comes to give him a copy of his book, Valley of the Penises, which was published mainly because women read romance novels and, according to Mr. Garrison, want to read about penises. Cartman is still angry, but as Kyle and Stan laugh at him, milk comes out of Kyle's nose. Cartman expresses relief that Kyle got his "crappy kidney," so he no longer has to put up with milk coming out of his nose.

Kenny's Death

He is crushed by a piano as he is walking away from Stan, who has just offended him by his crying over Kyle's impending death.

Trivia

• The Mexicans are played by Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong. According to episode commentary, they were recorded separately; neither knew the other was doing the other voice.
• Bruce Howell, a member of the sound crew, is the voice of the substitute teacher, Mr. Wyland.
• In the Comedy Central promos for this episode, Cartman says that he plans on making Britney Spears his love slave with the ten million he gets for Kyle's kidney. In the actual episode, Cartman says that what he intends to do with the money isn't an issue (because all that matters is that Stan gets the money before Kyle dies).
• When Cartman refuses to donate a kidney to Kyle, he sings "no" to the tune of "Comedy Tonight" from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.
• Although it isn't known exactly what Kenny says angrily to Stan at the time of his death, with some close captioning, people have translated it as "You never seem to care when I die!" however, Stan ignores him, so Kenny continues with "Well that does it! I've taken about enough of this bullshit! (Note: this next sentence is a catchphrase of Cartman's) Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

Goofs

• Stan points out that the toxins Kyle spews is actually bean and bacon soup. If Kyle is devoutly Jewish, he wouldn't be allowed to eat bacon since pork products are not kosher (the season one episode "Starvin' Marvin" and the season two episode "Conjoined Fetus Lady" make similar mistakes).

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